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Saturday, January 05, 2008

Did You Do This?

Did you ever lose a treasure? Not in a disaster, a flood or a fire, but just on a regular Saturday evening? Something like a diamond chip and gold cross that your father gave your mother for her high school graduation in 1938? And now she's been dead for a year and a half and you've worn that cross every day since she died-not because it was a cross but because it was hers and it became your talisman? Something she had given you for your Juilliard graduation, but took back years later because she was afraid, when your drinking was bad, that you'd lose it? And now you have? Have you ever lost something like that? Felt so bereft, that at the moment you're not sure you'll be the same woman from now on that you were only a few hours ago? Wouldn't you keep looking, even though you feel that it's gone from your neck, wrist, finger, wherever your treasure had its home? Wouldn't you be unable to stop and examine each sparkle or flash of gold that you see out of the corner of your eye? Sometimes in ridiculously unlikely places? Impossible places? Or maybe your treasure was a paper, or a picture, and you are doomed to scan all the paper, picture fragments you spot? In spite of yourself? Did you feel guilty? Even though, of course, it isn't really proof of your carelessness, lack of discipline, lack of feeling? Then, at some point, did you think, maybe the priceless object will continue to have a life, will have meaning you can't imagine, to its finder? Did you find some small comfort in this thought? I wonder, did you?

3 comments:

Martin Heavisides said...

Not precisely, but it's easy enough to think of analogous losses. I'm sure that will be true for most readers. Cheers.

Anonymous said...

An object has less value than the sentiment attached to it...but sentiment comes from memory and this is seldom lost or erased by a loss. Hang onto the memories...they're the true value.

juliainalbuq said...

It is very late, and I want to respond to your topic of loss, and the connections to physical objects, but, I have just spent hours looking at college dance programs and thought of a ballet teacher I once had, at UNM. I googled and you are her. And, I thought of Whitney, as well. I would love to hear about how you are, and how she is, if you are still in contact. Wishes for 2008.
Julia, from Albuquerque