Saturday, June 04, 2011

Nonnie and Drago’s Summer Bus Tour

Drago, my brother, and I have decided to take on this celebrity thing. We didn’t have big plans for the summer and I thought becoming famous might provide material for some blogs or poems or something. Maybe even a short story.  Not a novel.  I wrote one already and lost my temper over the whole “can’t get a publisher without an agent-and agents don’t want new clients unless they are celebrities or, or, well, celebrities.” I rarely lose my temper these days and I quite don’t like it. Besides, novels do go on, don’t they? I have this wonky heart, and I don’t want to spend writing time getting people from here to there. You don’t have to do that in a poem. Well, Longfellow did, but I think he and his ilk covered that sort of poem brilliantly. No need to do it again.

Which brings me back to this celebrity idea. Drago and I could get hold of a bus, somehow-we’ll have to look into that-spray paint the sides of it with our names and “POETRY!” “YOGA!” “HISTORY LESSONS!” in a giant, fun font, think up some dramatic, eye-catching pictures to stencil, (I’m fond of waterfalls myself, but maybe body parts would get more attention) let Blossom choose twenty or so of her favorite dog toys to take, (that will take forever) get a good bus-worthy kitty litter situation for Sam, and we’d be good to go. Or maybe we’d better...Drago is much better with details than I am; I’ll leave the fine-tuning to him.

There are lots of things we could do for people at our spontaneous, whimsical stops at tourist attractions.  I used to teach, and I’d be glad to give geography lessons as well as history, or a course in writing English for people in or out of school.  Drago can explain stuff to people. He’s patient and never makes you feel stupid; I know.  Then there would be his yoga sessions and I could give poetry readings. Oh, and listening activities. THAT would look good on the bus. LISTENING FOR AMERICANS!

After a few weeks of going around offering our talents, we could become famous, and then anything might happen. Maybe an appearance on Piers Morgan. There is one problem I can see in the attention attraction angle.  I get so bored driving on Interstates that we’d have to take back roads some of the time,  which might delay our famousness a bit and (another problem I just thought of) Drago would have to do all the driving-can’t see me driving a bus, can you?-so we’d have to stop enough, probably even where there weren’t crowds. What am I thinking? Of course we’d have to make frequent stops. Blossom has an overactive bladder. Not me.

So, that’s what we’re thinking about doing this summer-a carefree, casual, celebrity bus tour, on which Drago and I would do interesting things  for people, at least until we become famous enough to not have to do anything. We’d be content with national fame. Global name recognition seems a bit much to shoot for-being on a bus and all.


Wendus said...

Brilliant. Made my day.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the invite, Nonnie!

Finding a publisher can be difficult...especially these days. If your novel is good enough, you should keep trying. There are agents who are on the cusp of 'success' who will take a chance on a new writer. There are different ways of creating buzz and publicity for yourself. Do the bus tour...but don't give up!

Self-publish it, see who and how many buy it, and go from there.

The OTHER Augustine,

Augustino Patti

John said...


My son started a non-profit called Biotour. His name is Ethan Burke and you can google him to read about his bus trips. If you have questions about the practical side of a bus tour, he might be able to help out. You know how to reach me for his email address.

Jack Burke

Anonymous said...

in the immortal words of john macenroe"you cannot be serious!"not referring to 'Nonnie' here.

Karen said...

LOL... Hey, if SP can do it....

Although YOU would be offering useful information...

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