Monday, October 23, 2017

I Would Make the Worst Cable News Anchorwoman Ever.

I’d laugh, cry, splutter with confusion or outrage.
I’d probably say “Duh” a lot,
grow pale, flush, and wink at the viewers.
I’d furrow my eyebrows, raise one or both,
and my eyes would narrow, widen, round, crinkle, and tear.
You’d see shoulder shrugging, hand waving,
finger pointing, fist clenching,
slapping of palms on the news desk
and smirking, smiling, quivering, tightening, frowning lips.
And I would certainly, certainly, fail to keep my tone of voice
well-modulated, and sounding sincere.
Yes, I’d scoff, shriek, whimper, and roar.
I might play with my hair as I listened to immortal talking points.  
As I grew evermore weary, my outfits would get sloppy, my fingernails dirty, 
make-up messed and I might start throwing darts at images 
of the crooks, schmucks, and bastards running the show.
The teleprompter and I would diverge:
given words about the deficit, I’d shout “Puerto Rico!”
given blab about Reps and Dems, I’d shout, “California’s burning!”

So, what I’m trying to say is that when the non-astounding
breaking news was that a honcho somewhere exploited someone,
or a cop got off scot-free, or a maniac used his ever-more-lethal guns,
or the President lied,
I’d have to let you know how I felt.
I would be the worst cable news anchorwoman ever. Yep.


Wednesday, October 04, 2017

October 4, 2017

Maybe we should split up. Separate for good. I think it would be for good, you know? You can believe what you want, do what you want, spend your money your own way and I can do the same. We don’t have to keep tripping over each other like this, do we? Tripping? What we’re doing is barreling, careening, spilling our guts over each other.

I am serious. And I’m exhausted. My throat is raw from all the talking, shouting, crying. My heart aches. I keep getting that pain you get in your upper back when you’ve been unbearably tense day after day. Do you have that pain, too? Or are you cool with all this? No, I didn’t think so. I see serious signs of disarray in you. I hear panic in your bluster.

Who will object? The way things are now, our lives would hardly be any worse financially. We don’t have big money to worry about. We’ll keep floundering, failing, bouncing back a little now and again, only we can do all that separately and forget this together thing. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t work.

It might be best to keep this on the QT until we’ve made plans. My people have been meeting for years and are almost ready to talk about separation on the record. We are prepared to negotiate and believe me, for the sake of the children, we’re prepared to compromise when we absolutely must. You have most of the guns; that’s given. We have most of the scientists, though, and whether or not you credit them much, they will be a big advantage if violence comes into play. We don’t want that to happen, but we will defend ourselves. We’ve always been ready and willing to defend ourselves.

Well, I just googled it and there are 325,000,000 million, give or take. Some of those, a tiny percent, won’t be affected whatever the rest of us try. They’ll go on being the ruling class and may not even choose sides. Probably won’t. Hey, we can do five or six separations. Why not? We’ll become the Divided States of America. Yes, yes, calm bloody down! Of course, we can choose new names. We can have a gigantic re-do, names and all. I am serious. Let’s split up.